Harry Potter, Blue's Clues Style
by Elf Princess Bloom
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if you took characters from different walks of life and put them together? Add cheesy songs, cameos by certain sexy actors, and a pair of teenage girls who call themselves Bob and Fred, and you've got this story.Please RandR
1. Steve's Problem

"Now it's time for so long..." thank god "...but we'll sing just one more song..." I hate this part "thanks for doin your part, you sure are smart..." yeah, smart for a bunch of rambling idiots "you know with me and you, and my dog Blue, we can do anything, that we wanna do. God, I hate my job," Steve said this last bit outloud as the cameras cut off. "Steve, I need to talk to you!" The director yelled, running over to him. "What, is it now, Jack? I'd rather get out of here,"Steve groaned. "Its just that...well I noticed that you seem to be drunk again and..." "I am not drunk!" Steve shouted indignantly, his eyes glazing over a bit. ` "Steve, you scidooed into the wall five feet from the painting this time, that's a new record, I think." "No, actually the record is seven feet, remember the christmas party last year?" "Oh yea, how could I forget...we all saw parts of you that were really...umm...unecessary." "But I thought we were playing strip poker!" "No, no actually we were playing uno...but that's not what I wanted to discuss. We have all come to recognize your drinking as a problem, and we would like you to get some help. You're not getting fired, we are just asking you to take a little vacation. We have it all arranged, there is this little rehab clinic over in the UK, we're willing to pay for it and everything." "You're getting rid of me?" "It's just temporary, only as long as it takes for you to get cleaned up." "What about the show? I'm the star, and you can't just cancel it temporarily." "That is already taken care of. Our writers have created a scenario where you go off to college and your brother, Joe, will take over the show...ah and here comes our new star now." Just then a slightly taller man with a bowl cut and small gap between his two front teeth walked up. "Steve, I would like you to meet Joe, your replacement." This can't be happening. There is no possible way this dork can take my place. "Hello there Joe! It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job with the show while I'm gone," Steve said, forcing a smile. "I'm Joe, and I'm happy...or else," The man replied with a glazed look in his eyes. "Err...or else what?" "Or else they'll shock me again...oh no, I just said something not happy!" Joe shrieked, frantically looking around. Steve followed his gaze to a man standing just off to the left of them, listening in on the conversation. He appeared to be holding a remote control. Joe's eyes widened in fear. "No! don't push the button, I promise, I'll be happier! No...ouch!!!!!!!!!!!"He yelped in pain. "I think you're right, Jack, I do need a little vacation. When do I leave?" Steve asked the director, both of them ignoring Joe's whimpers of pain. "We have a plane ticket for tomorrow night at 7, can you be ready by then?" "Anything to get me out of here." _______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Now lets see here hmmm... who looks good to you, Minerva?" "I'm rather partial to this Mr. Eric Wildmen. His qualifications are excellent." "Yes, I was looking at him, too. And there is the fact that he is willing to teach here, which is always a plus," Dumbledore chuckled. "Although he is from America, and that's a long way to travel. And won't Snape be angry that he hasn't been considered for the position again?" "Yes, it is a long journey, but if he's willing to make it, I'll be glad to have him. After all, he is the most qualified for the job. As for Severus, I'll just have to explain to him, that if he were to take the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, we would have to find a new Potions teacher, and I can assure you there isn't anyone who can match his abbilities in that area." "That is a brilliant idea, Albus, the flattery will shut him up in an instant. So it's decided then?" "Yes, Professor Eric Wildmen will be our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." "I'll go write up the letter immediately," McGonagall turned and left the room.  
  
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"Now Steve, listen to me very carefully. I put the directions to the clinic in your carry on bag, so you will know where to go when you get off the plane. It isn't that far from the airport, all you have to do is take the main highway..." What is he talking about? I'm so smashed right now, I hope he doesn't yell at me again, I don't think I can take much more of that. Maybe if I pretend I'm paying attention...that's what I'll do. Just smile and nod... "...and make another right, and you're there. Did you get all that?" Steve nodded. "Good. Well you better get on the plane now, have a nice trip." Steve took his seat on the plane next to a young man who looked somewhat similar to himself. Damn, he got the window seat. The flight took a little over 5 hours, but in his drunken stupor, Steve found ways to amuse himself. Hehehe...I bet I can get another pretzel stick up his nose. That makes five already. I can't believe he hasn't woken up yet. "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"The flight attendant asked, looking down at him strangely. "Uhhh...nothing?" "It appears that you were sticking pretzels up that sleeping man's nose." "No I wasn't." "Yes you were, I just saw you." "Look woman, I don't even have pretzels!" "Then what's that bag you're holding there in your hand?" Steve looked down at the bag for a moment, then quickly threw it backward, showering the passengers behind him in pretzel sticks. After the flight attendant helped the poor unsuspecting victims clean up themselves and the surrounding area, she turned back to Steve. "Now that you are done playing, would you like anything off the cart?" "Yes, actually, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, supersize the fries, and lets see...better make that a diet coke. After all, I have to keep up with my girlish figure," he finshed, slurring his words a bit. Then he gave her what he obviously thought was his most charming smile. She cried out in frustration and stalked off, leaving him to laugh at the joke he had just made. _______________________________________________________________________  
  
As the plane came to a screeching halt, Eric Wildmen woke up, dazed and confused as he already was, to discover that there were pretzels sticking out of his nose. He turned to the man next to him, who had dozed off only five minutes earlier, and roughly shook him awake, soon learning that he would regret those actions for years to come. _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Steve woke up violently punching with every ounce of energy he had in him. Oh no, they're coming to try and take me away again! I won't go without a fight! He thought stupidly. He gave a satisfied whoop as his fist connected with something solid and opened his eyes to find a man sprawled unconcious on the floor. "Oops...sorry there, sir. Here, let me get your bag for you." He reached up and started tugging at the heavy briefcase. It came crashing down on top of Steve's head. With a dull thud he hit the floor, falling into unconciousness himself. He awoke 5 minutes later, to stare around at his surroundings in a confused manner. Where am I...wait...who am I? He looked down at the briefcase on his chest. Eric Wildmen...is that who I am? What a pansy-ass name. I feel really, really sorry for myself right now. Steve struggled to get up. As he got off the plane, he looked around at the many people holding signs with names on them. He walked up to an unnaturally large man holding a sign which read Eric Wildmen on it. He looked from the sign, to the briefcase, and back to the sign again. "Would you happen to be Professor Wildmen?" The giant of a man asked. "Umm...yes?" "I'm Hagrid, I'll be taking you to Hogwarts." "Okay." He's taking me where? "Well, let's go get your bags, we have a long journey ahead of us." *45 minutes later* "Do any of these bags look familiar, professor?" Hagrid asked, desperate to get out of the airport, where everyone kept glancing strangely at him. Oh shit, I have no freakin clue which one is mine. "Uhhh...it's that one." Steve pointed to a large red suitcase. He then pulled a small bottle of rum out of a side pocket in his jacket. "Is that some sort of potion, professor?" Hagrid asked curiously. "Potion?...Why yes, it's my special happy potion," Steve said, taking a long drink. _________________________________________________________ Soon Hagrid was carrying Steve off the train and toward the carriages that would take them to Hogwarts. Steve, who could no longer walk, was singing at the top of his lungs. "Blue moooooooooooooooooooooooon, you lef me standin alooooooooooooooone...withow a song in mah heaaaaarrrrrrt...c'mon Hagrid, sing with me!" "I'd rather not, professor." "Here, you need some of my special happy potion," Steve said, handing Hagrid the bottle of rum. ______________________________________________________________________ 


	2. Bob and Fred's Detective Agency (copyrig...

Eric Wildmen had just returned to conciousness in a state of panic, having no idea where he was. A kind looking old lady in a nurse's uniform approached him cautiously. "Is there something you need, dear?" "Where am I?" "Why, you're at the rehab clinic, Mr. Blue." "Uhhh...first of all, I'm not Mr. Blue, and second, what the hell am I doing in a rehab clinic?" "You're here because you're an alcoholic." "No, I'm not." "The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem, Mr. Blue." "But see that's the thing, I don't have a problem...and stop calling me that, it's not my name!" "They said you might be a little confused when you woke up..." "I'm not confused...well maybe I am...but I know who I am, and my name is not Mr. Blue." "Here, take these, they'll help you sleep, then we'll get this all sorted out in the morning." Before he could get another word out she shoved a handful of pills into his mouth, which swallowed instinctively. ______________________________________________________________________ Steve awoke rather late into the next day with a massive hangover. Fighting the urge to scream in pain as someone knocked loudly on his door, he slowly got up to find that it was an old man in funny clothing. "Professor Wildmen, Professor Dumbledore has sent me to tell you that we need you down at the great hall now, the students will soon be arriving." "Right...I'll be there in a short while." An hour later Steve stumbled up the steps and into the great hall to find over a hundred people staring at him. "Ah, and speaking of our new addition, students, I would like you all to meet Professor Eric Wildmen, your new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher," Dumbledore said as Steve approached him. "Please take your seat," he said, pointing to the chair next to him. _________________________________________________________________ "Bob, don't you think it's a bit wrong that we're skipping school to watch Blue's Clues?" A tall girl with blond hair asked her friend. "Not at all Fred, I mean, it is a learning experience," the other girl reasoned. "Sure, keep telling yourself that. So what kind of big words do you think Steve will use today?" "I don't know...shh, it's starting." "Hi kids! I'm Joe, Steve's younger brother. Steve had to go away to college, so I'm going to be taking care of Blue from now on..." "What the Hell is this?" Bob asked in shock. "Steve? What happened to Steve? Nooooooo! I lost the happy again!" Fred yelled, then immediatly threw herself on the floor, curled up in a fetal position, and began twitching uncontrollably. Bob kicked her. "Snap out of it...look, we can fix this. We will get Steve back." Fred stopped twitching and looked up, excitment filling her face. "Do you mean what I think you mean?" Bob nodded. "Yes, my friend, I'm afraid this looks like a job for..." at this point Fred joined in, "Bob and Fred's detective agency! (copyright 2002 Bob and Fred co.)" "You know what Bob? I think we should come up with a dance for that little tune." "And we will do that. But first, we find Steve." "To the batmobile!" Fred shouted, pointing toward the door. "We have a batmobile?" "Err...no. But we do have a really cool el camino! We need a name for it though." "How about the Blue Mango?" "Sounds peachy to me. Right, lets try this again. To the Blue Mango!" With that they ran out the door. ____________________________________________________________________ Joe was making his way to the bathroom, trying to make sure he was as happy as possible, when he came across two teenage girls in pink ski masks. Before he could say anything they shoved him into a nearby broom closet. "Alright now, out with it! Where did Steve really go?" The taller one asked in a menacing tone. "He...he..he went to a rehab clinic, in the U.K....hey, how did you get in here?" "We don't know. Well we have all the information we need, we'd better get going. Fred,I think we should fill up the gas tank, we're gonna have to travel the whole way across the Atlantic." They turned around to leave. "Wait, don't go!" Joe suddenly yelled. "What is it? What do you want?" "Can I go with you?" The two girls looked at each other. "Think he might be useful?" The shorter one finally asked. "Probably not...but he is kinda cute." "It's settled then. Joe, you can come with us." "Yeah...and sorry about pushing you earlier, we didn't even get a chance to introduce ourselves. I'm Fred, and this is my friend Bob," the taller one explained. "Thank you so much! You don't know how desperate I am to escape!" "What do you mean escape? Do they keep you locked up?" Fred asked. "No, they attached a taser to the inside of my pants...you see that man over there?" He said, opening the door a crack and pointing. They nodded. "He has the remote control." "Don't worry, we'll handle him. In the meantime, I want you to run as fast as you can toward the exit. Once you make it outside, you need to get to the parking lot and find a blue el camino, he goes by the name 'Blue Mango'. Wait for us there." Joe nodded and slipped out the door. Bob turned to her friend. "Do you have a plan?" "Yea pretty much. Come on, we better hurry." They crept up behind the man and jumped on him, sending him crashing to the floor. Fred immediatly kicked the remote control across the room and proceeded to stomp on it. She giggled to herself."If only the Snicker's people coulda seen that crunch." "Now what?" Bob cried, elbowing the man in the back. "Run away!" The made it out to the parking lot to find Joe already in the driver's seat. They scrambled into the car and sped away. Fred was the first to break the silence. "I wanna drive." As she climbed into the driver's seat, she gave an evil laugh. "Now that I'm in control, we're going to make a quick stop along the way." Several hours later they pulled up to a large mansion in a neighborhood filled with movie stars. Fred grabbed her ski mask and jumped out. She turned to face Bob and Joe. "If I'm not out in ten minutes," she checked her watch, "just wait longer, because I'm really not all that good at shaving." An hour later Fred emerged from the house arm in arm with a very familiar man. "Uhhh...Fred?" "Yes Bob?" "Why do you have Brad Pitt?" "Do I really need a reason?" "No, I guess not. But didn't he have a beard?" "Yeah, that kind of annoyed me, so I shaved it off." "I'm still a bit confused. Are we kidnapping him?" "I'd like to say no, since he's coming with us by his own free will, but technically there was a ransome note." Brad giggled. "Yeah, I wrote it myself." "You dunces! Now the cops will be after us." "Correction...the cops will be after 'Dr. Evil'." She stared at him. "And that's the best you could come up with?" "Hey, I didn't have alot of time! And it's hard to think when you're being shaved!" "Fred, how did you get him to come with us willingly?" "Oh, it wasn't that hard. I promised him he could sing his little el camino song." "Ok. Just one more question, then." "What?" "How are we going to fit four people in a two seat car?" "Bob, I'm ashamed of you! Honestly, you need to stop thinking like a muggle." Fred whipped out her wand and muttered something under her breath. "There...I think it worked." The inside of the car was now big enough for four people. They all jumped in. "Now finally we're going to go get Steve. 


	3. Pretzels Everywhere!!!

"Uhh...Professor?" Harry asked timidly, approaching the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teaher. Steve looked around for a moment, befuddled, then turned back to Harry. "Are you talking to me?" "Yeah...I was just wondering...well, it's been a week, and you still haven't taught us anything." "Oh...what am I supposed to teach you?" "To defend ourselves against the dark arts." "Right then," Steve said, standing up. "Excuse me everyone...ladies and gentlemen...everybody shutup!" He finally yelled. The class looked at him. "Now, it's come to my attention that since I am a teacher, I should be teaching you something. This boy here," he said pointing at Harry, "er...what's your name?" he whispered. "Harry." "Right, yes, young Harry here has informed me that I should be instructing you on how to defend yourselves against the dark arts. Now I'm not entirely sure what this 'dark arts' business is all about, but I can teach you to defend yourselves. Now, can anyone tell me, what's the first thing you do if someone trys to attack you?" A boy with red hair and freckles raised his hand. "Yes?" Steve asked. "Pull out your wand and try to stun them?" The boy answered questioningly. "I would have said scream and run away, but I guess that works. Now, has anyone here ever taken kick boxing or karate lessons?" The class remained silent. "No? Well then I guess I have my work cut out for me! Okay...why don't you all pair up, and we'll try this little excercise. _______________________________________________________________ "Damn it, Potter! Could you try not to kick so hard?" "So sorry Malfoy, I'm just trying to practice our lesson like the professor said." "Oh, well in that case..." Draco kicked Harry hard in the shin. "Ouch! Why did you have to be the only person in this entire class without a partner?" Harry whined, kicking him savagely in the stomach. "I could ask the same thing, you know," Draco gasped as he lie on his back. "Alright class, that'll do it for today. Keep practicing those kicks. Next time I'll be teaching you how to punch!" "Oh, I just can't wait," Draco muttered sarcastically. "But Professor," Hermione interrupted. "There's still 20 minutes left...ow!" She yelled as Ron kicked her. She took the hint and they all left the room. ____________________________________________________________________ "El camino, El camino..." "Brad! I said no more!" Joe yelled angrily. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. A minute later he began to sing again, but more quietly. "El camino, El camino..." "What did I just say? Now I don't want to hear that song come from you again!" Brad pouted and proceeded to hum the tune in defiance. Fred soon began to sing along to his humming. "El camino, El camino," Bob joined in, "El camino, El camino..." and then Brad was singing again, "El camino, El camino," Joe screamed in frustration and whipped out a spray bottle filled with ice cold water. "El camino, El camino...ahhhh cold!" They all screamed and pushed themselves toward the opposite end of the car. "Bad, very bad! No more song!" Joe said menacingly and gave them one last spray. "I knew this would came in handy," he mutterd, tucking the bottle safely back under his seat. "Hey look, we're here!" Fred exclaimed an hour later as they pulled up in front of a large building that resembled a prison. All four of them marched in through the front door and up to the information desk. "Can I help you?" the woman behind the desk asked. "Yes, we're here to see Steve Blue." Fred said importantly "Are you his family?" They looked at each other. "Yes," Fred answered slowly. "Are you lieing to me?" "No." she answered just as slowly. "Very well then, follow me." She led them through a series of hallways until they came to the very end of one of them. "This is his room," the woman said, pointing to the last door on the right. "I must warn you though, he has been acting extremely confused and paranoid ever since he arrived. Try not to talk too loudy, it might scare him, and don't ever look him straight in the eye, it makes him feel threatened." "Uhhhh...k. Thanks." The woman walked away and they stepped through he door. "Your Holyness," Brad said, bowing at the foot of the bed. Fred pulled him up. "We aren't in Tibet!" "Have you seen every one of my movies?" "No, but I'm working on it." "Hey, you're not Steve!" Joe suddenly yelled, waking the man in the bed. "Oh, sweet Jesus, thank you sir!" Eric yelled and hugged Joe tightly. "What? Why?" "Everyone keeps calling me Steve, but I'm not Steve, and I'm not supposed to be here!" The man cried. "Who are you then?" Bob asked, now very confused. "Eric Wildmen. I was on my way to teach at Hogwarts..." he paused, looking at them suspiciously. "It's okay, we're your kind," Fred assured him, pulling out her wand. "Okay...well like I said, I accepted a position at Hogwarts. The last thing I remember is being on the plane, and the man sitting next to me punching me and...oh God, pretzels everywhere!" he sobbed, turning and burying his head in Brad's shoulder. He patted him awkwardly on the back. "You two must have got switched around...so that means that Steve is at Hogwarts! But why would Steve go to Hogwarts? And wouldn't they notice he wasn't the new professor?" Fred mused. Bob turned to Eric. "Do you know how to get to Hogwarts?" He nodded. "Then I guess you're coming with us." "There might be a small problem with that. They won't let me leave." "So you can apparate out." "Damn, I wish I would have thought of that before. Okay, well I'll meet you down there I guess." With a small pop he was gone. 


	4. Peanut Butter! (for lack of a better tit...

Chapter 4 Before we start this chapter, I would like to take a moment to thank all the brave people who have ventured into the unknown, and an extra big thanks to all those who have reviewed. They mean alot to me (my motivation). Alright enough with the mushy stuff, enjoy.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________ "Are we there yet?" ________________________________________________________________________ "No," Eric said for the fith time that hour. ________________________________________________________________________ "How about now?" ________________________________________________________________________ "No." ________________________________________________________________________ "...now?" ________________________________________________________________________ "NO, WE ARE NOT THERE YET, I WILL TELL YOU AS SOON AS WE ARE!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Don't mind him, he's just a little excited," Fred said patting Brad on the head. ________________________________________________________________________ "El camino, El cami..." he stopped short when he looked at Joe who was waving the spray bottle around menacingly. ________________________________________________________________________ "Why does everyone have to pick on my hostage?" Fred whined as she tried to pull the bottle away from Joe. ________________________________________________________________________ "Because your hostage has acomplished the task of annoying every single person in this car but you." Joe cried as he fought for control over his only weapon against insanity. ________________________________________________________________________ "You just don't understand him. Maybe if you'd talk to him, or at least have a little more patience, he wouldn't get to you like that." ________________________________________________________________________ "Yeah," Brad added, sticking his tongue out at Joe. ________________________________________________________________________ "Everything was fine until he came along," Joe pouted, glaring at him. ________________________________________________________________________ "Hey guess what everybody? We're here!" Eric shouted over all the arguing. ________________________________________________________________________ He parked the car behind some trees and they all got out. "Here, everybody put these on," Fred said, throwing a shopping bag at each of them.  
  
________________________________________________________________________ "What are these for?" ________________________________________________________________________ "They're are costumes!" ________________________________________________________________________ "What do we need costumes for?" Joe asked pulling out a white pair of bell bottoms and a matching shirt. ________________________________________________________________________ Fred shrugged, "I just thought it would be funny if we burst through the front doors wearing neato seventies spy gear." ________________________________________________________________________ "Sweet!" Brad cried as he pulled on a pair of gold bell bottoms similar to Joe's. ________________________________________________________________________ "Hey! How come he gets gold? That's favoritism!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Fine," Fred sighed, waving her wand at Joe's pants and turning them a gold color. ________________________________________________________________________ She turned to Eric as she pulled on her blond afro wig. "Why aren't you changing?" ________________________________________________________________________ "You're all a bunch of freaks!" he cried in disbelief as he looked at them all in their flared pants and hippie shirts. Bob had an afro wig as well, only her's was red. ________________________________________________________________________ "But you have to put it on! You'll ruin it if we walk in there all vintage and you walk in all...normal," she said with a shudder. ________________________________________________________________________ "Give it up, there is no chance in hell that I will ever wear that, so we might as well be on our way," he said, starting to walk up toward the castle. ________________________________________________________________________ "Waaaaaait!" She cried and tackled him to the ground. ________________________________________________________________________ "Ow!" ________________________________________________________________________ "We have to be very careful, it could be boobie-trapped..." ________________________________________________________________________ Brad and Joe both started to giggle furiously. ________________________________________________________________________ "What's so funny?" ________________________________________________________________________ Brad pointed at her, "You said boobie," They both started to giggle again, leaning on each other for support, until they realized what they were doing and jumped back, glaring at each other. ________________________________________________________________________ Fred rolled her eyes and turned back to Eric. "I know you're anxious, but we have to proceed with baby steps." ________________________________________________________________________ "But..." ________________________________________________________________________ "BABY STEPS!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Alright fine!" ________________________________________________________________________ It took a good half hour for them to finally reach the castle, Bob and Fred humming the Mission Impossible theme song the whole way. As they reached the entrance,Fred began to run at full speed and tried to dramatically kick in the door. It didn't work. She howled in pain as she flew backward onto the ground. ________________________________________________________________________ "Dude, that was like, totally not groovy," Brad commented as Joe nodded in agreement. ________________________________________________________________________ "I'm fine! No need to worry!" She yelled as she stood up and began to adjust her wig, stumbling a bit. "Stupid door!" She muttered as she tugged it open. ________________________________________________________________________ They couldn't have picked a better time to break into the school, because dinner had just ended and the majority of the students were in the main entrance hall. A hushed silence fell over the crowd as they gaped at the strangers who had just entered the school. Seconds soon turned into minutes as they all stood there. Finally a dark haired boy with green eyes and glasses pushed himself to the front. "Who are you people?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Ummm...Charlie's Angels?" Bob answered questioningly. ________________________________________________________________________ "Yeah, I'm the blond one!" Brad shouted as he leapt out in front. ________________________________________________________________________ "No you're not, I am!" Fred cried as she elbowed him out of the way. ________________________________________________________________________ He glared at her defiantly. "I am." ________________________________________________________________________ "I have more hair." ________________________________________________________________________ "Everything is about you! Why can't I be the star for once?" ________________________________________________________________________ "You're such a drama queen!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Well you're...stupid!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Shutup!" ________________________________________________________________________ "You shutup!" ________________________________________________________________________ They began to pull each other's hair and tentively slap at one another. ________________________________________________________________________ "Catfight!" Joe yelled and began to cheer them on. ________________________________________________________________________ "You can both be the blond one...Stop it!" Bob cried. Finally, she grabbed them both by the ear and pulled them up, causing them to whimper in pain. She giggled, "I'm gonna have to quote Phoebe on this one. If we were in prison, you guys would be my bitches." ________________________________________________________________________ The boy with dark hair and glasses spoke up. "I hate to interrupt, but you guys aren't Charlie's Angels, because there is only supposed to be three of them, and there are five of you...so who are you, really?" ________________________________________________________________________ "You're a very smart boy, aren't you, Harry?" Fred asked sweetly. She walked up to him and began to pet his head as if he were a cat. ________________________________________________________________________ "Uhh...how did you know my name? And why are you petting me?" He asked, trying to back away. ________________________________________________________________________ "I'm a mind reader, Harry, I know everything." ________________________________________________________________________ "Really?" ________________________________________________________________________ "No, but you're famous, and when you're famous, everyone knows your name. Isn't that right, Brad?" ________________________________________________________________________ He nodded. ________________________________________________________________________ She turned back to Harry,"As to your other question...I'm not really sure why I'm petting you, it just seemed right at the time. I'm going to slowly back away now, and we can all forget this ever happened." ________________________________________________________________________ "Now then," Bob said giving her friend a strange look as she backed away from Harry, "we've come for Steve...so hand him over, and nobody gets cheesed." ________________________________________________________________________ Everyone looked puzzled. "Is that like, some type of American slang for...we're going to kill you? Or attack, or what?" Harry asked. ________________________________________________________________________ "Oh no, we're not the voilent type. We just really are going to cheese you. One by one...unless that is, you give us Steve." ________________________________________________________________________ "Umm...Steve who?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Steve Blue! You know, the guy from Blue's Clues?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Sorry, never heard of him." ________________________________________________________________________ Fred sighed. "Harry, you seem like a nice boy, and your hair is soft and silky smooth...by the way, what do you wash it with?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Oh uhh...V05...the moisturizing stuff...I think it's called Freesia Fantasy. Smells delightful," he added. ________________________________________________________________________ "May I?" She asked, gesturing toward his head. ________________________________________________________________________ "Of course," he said, leaning down so she could smell him. ________________________________________________________________________ "Oh you're right! It's wonderful!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Ahem." Bob cleared her throat impatiently. ________________________________________________________________________ "Oh, sorry Bob, you know how it is, really short attention span. Anyways...like I was saying Harry, you're great and all, but I'm afraid we're going to have to cheese you. So now the real question is, do you prefer american, or extra sharp chedder?" ________________________________________________________________________ Harry suddenly looked very frightened. ________________________________________________________________________ "You'll have to get through us, first," a young boy with red hair and freckles said, as he and three other boys stepped out in front of Harry. ________________________________________________________________________ "Who are you? And why won't you let us cheese him?" Bob asked. ________________________________________________________________________ "I'm his best friend...and you can't cheese him because I said so," The first one spoke up. ________________________________________________________________________ "Yeah, and we're his best friend's older brothers, and you can't cheese him, because... he said so!" The two older boys exclaimed. ________________________________________________________________________ The blond one sighed in resignation. "And I'm his secret lover. You can't cheese him because...well it wouldn't be very nice." ________________________________________________________________________ "Secret lovers?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Ron, look, I didn't tell you because...I thought you might react a little...indifferently." ________________________________________________________________________ "A little indifferently? Shit Harry, I thought we had something special going on here, and then you go and cheat on me?" ________________________________________________________________________ "But Ron, we never...and aren't you with Hermione?" ________________________________________________________________________ Ron giggled. "Yeah, I just said that because I thought it would be really wicked if I could freak you out. But seriously Harry, Malfoy? Can't you do better than that?" ________________________________________________________________________ "How could he do better than me? I'm dead sexy," Malfoy interrupted. ________________________________________________________________________ "Dude's got a point," Fred whispered to Bob, who nodded approvingly. ________________________________________________________________________ Everyone was now staring at them again. "The blond one is right, it wouldn't be very nice if we cheesed Harry Potter," Fred said, as Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "Say Bob, do you think we'll have time for any fun on this adventure?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Depends on what you mean by fun?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Shagging, Bob, I mean shagging." ________________________________________________________________________ "Oh...well I suppose." ________________________________________________________________________ "Good, then can I have the one with red hair and freckles?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Which one? There's three of them." ________________________________________________________________________ "Well lets see...that one's already taken so how about..." she closed her eyes and pointed, "that one!" She said as her finger landed on one of the twins. ________________________________________________________________________ Fred smiled and waved at her. George threw a tantrum. "It's not fair! How come you get to have all the fun?" He whined at his brother. ________________________________________________________________________ "Don't worry sweety, I'll save some time for you, too," she winked at him and blew a kiss. ________________________________________________________________________ "So who do you want, Bob?" ________________________________________________________________________ "I'm stuck between Harry and the blond one." ________________________________________________________________________ "Well if they're together, then why do you have to choose?" ________________________________________________________________________ "I like the way you think." ________________________________________________________________________ "I've had enough of this insanity! Have any of you seen a man, who looks somewhat like me? He might be going by the name Wildmen," Eric asked impatiently. ________________________________________________________________________ "Are you talking about Professor Wildmen?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Yes, that would be Steve, because I am the real Professor Wildmen." ________________________________________________________________________ "Say Harry," Ron nudged is friend. ________________________________________________________________________ "What?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Remember last year, when our teacher was Mad-Eye Moody, and then it turned out that he really wasn't, and he tried to kill you?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Yeah." ________________________________________________________________________ "You don't suppose this is another of those situations, do you?" ________________________________________________________________________ "No, I don't think it is." ________________________________________________________________________ "Why not?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Because when people try to kill me, they usually wait until the end of the year, and it's only September." ________________________________________________________________________ "Oh...yes that would make sense." ________________________________________________________________________ At that moment the teachers all came striding into the hall. "Who are you?" Dumbledore asked, eyeing them suspiciously. ________________________________________________________________________ "We are an undercover organization created for the sole purpose of stopping evil witches and wizards bent on world domintation," Bob answered smoothly. ________________________________________________________________________ "Yes, and we need to speak to your house elves," Fred added. ________________________________________________________________________ "Why?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Becaue I would like a cup of hot cocoa...and some peanut butter, lots and lots of peanut butter." ________________________________________________________________________ "Right..." ________________________________________________________________________ "I enjoy peanut butter." ________________________________________________________________________ "Yes, I suppose you do. But really I would like to know who you people are." ________________________________________________________________________ "Do you really want to know?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Yes." ________________________________________________________________________ "Really, really?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Yes, yes I would," Dumbledore said impatiently. ________________________________________________________________________ "Okay. I..." ________________________________________________________________________ "No, Fred don't," Bob interrupted. ________________________________________________________________________ "Am..." ________________________________________________________________________ "Don't do it man." ________________________________________________________________________ "DEATH!" Fred managed to yell just as Bob pounced on her. Fred laughed evily as she rolled around on the ground, kicking everyone that tried to come near her. "That's right, I'm DEATH! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" suddenly she stopped. "Brad?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Yes?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Come here my precious, I need you to help me up." ________________________________________________________________________ "K," he sang and pranced over to her. ________________________________________________________________________ "You peple are..." Dumbledore started. ________________________________________________________________________ "Wait! Do you hear that?" Fred interrupted. ________________________________________________________________________ "Here what?" ________________________________________________________________________ She leapt to her feat and leaned at an angle, cocking her head to the side, as if to hear something better. ________________________________________________________________________ Catching on, Bob did the same. "There is a foul sound in the air!" ________________________________________________________________________ "I don't hear anything." ________________________________________________________________________ "Shhh..." just then a jellyfish came floating across the scene. Fred flung on a black pair of glasses and frolicked after it, catching it with a net that had suddenly appeared in her hand. "Okay, now I really really need some peanut butter." ________________________________________________________________________ Draco sighed. "I have to say, alot of strange and disturbing things have happened here at Hogwarts, but this one definitely tops the list." ________________________________________________________________________ Fred smiled seductively at him, "I'm flattered." ________________________________________________________________________ "I was talking about the jellyfish but...oh never mind." ________________________________________________________________________ She strode up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He smiled suggestively at her. She burst into tears, throwing herself at his feet. "Oh God, what am I doing? You belong to Bob! Go, run to her, and never look back!" she began to sob hysterically as Draco attempted to release himself from her grasp. "I will never love another!" She looked at Fred and George and stopped crying. "You two are even cuter up close." ________________________________________________________________________ "Fred!" ________________________________________________________________________ "What?" Both Freds asked simultaneously. They looked at each other. ________________________________________________________________________ "There's only room for one Fred in this story, and I was here first," the male version reasoned. ________________________________________________________________________ "No you weren't, you came in half way through this chapter my friend, I've been here since the beginning." ________________________________________________________________________ "But I was born with this name, yours is a nickname!" ________________________________________________________________________ "How do you know? Fine! For the sake of continuing this little adventure, I'll change my name. Now lets see, what are we going to name me? Hmmm...damn I wish I didn't have to come up with a spiffy new nickname. Oh I know! How about ChooChoo?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Damn it Fred! I mean ChooChoo!" ________________________________________________________________________ "What Bob?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Dumbledore is still waiting for his answer!" ________________________________________________________________________ "You think of something, you're the smart one!" ________________________________________________________________________ Eric looked down. "Jesus Christ, I'm surrounded by idiots." He put on a winning smile, "Hello Professor Dubledore, I am Professor Eric Wildmen." ________________________________________________________________________ "No you're not, Professor Wildmen is right here," Dumbledore said, stepping aside to reveal a man standing behind him. ________________________________________________________________________ "Steve!" Bob and uhh...ChooChoo cried at the same time. ________________________________________________________________________ They ran up to him and flung their arms around him protectively. ________________________________________________________________________ He scratched his head. "Why does that name sound familiar? And you, I've seen you somewhere before," he said, pointing at Joe. ________________________________________________________________________ "I'm the happy guy, remember?" ________________________________________________________________________ A look of dawning comprehension came across Steve's face. "I'm Steve!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Yes, you are," Bob smiled at him. ________________________________________________________________________ "I'm Steve!" ________________________________________________________________________ "That's right!" ChooChoo answered. ________________________________________________________________________ "I'm Steve!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Okay, you can shut up now." ________________________________________________________________________ "Right, sorry, just got a bit excited for a moment. I remember everything now. I was on the plane, and I was sleeping, and that fellow over there shook me awake and I err...well I hit him. sorry about that man, I always wake up swinging." ________________________________________________________________________ "That's alright, I was mad for awhile, but you gotta figure, it could always be worse." Eric said. ________________________________________________________________________ Steve smiled. "Exactly, like, you could wake up in a room with padded walls and barred windows, and have a nurse feed you sedatives every few hours." ________________________________________________________________________ Eric frowned. "That's err...already happened. Come to think of it, it was your fault." ________________________________________________________________________ Steve backed away. Bob stepped between them. "Lets just put the past behind us, shall we?" ________________________________________________________________________ They both nodded. Dumbledore spoke up. "I am ashamed to say that, for the first time in my life, I am very confused." ________________________________________________________________________ "Don't worry, it happens to everyone every once in a while. Why, it happens to me twice a day, and three times on every second Wednsday of the month," ChooChoo offered. ________________________________________________________________________ "Let me explain the situation to you," Bob said kindly, walking up to him. "See that person right there," she pointed to Steve, "is not your professor, he is a muggle actor. That person there, " she pointed to Eric, "is your professor. They got switched around on the plane...amnesia I guess." ________________________________________________________________________ "I see...so you people are responsible for bringing the real professor to us?" ________________________________________________________________________ Bob and ChooChoo nodded. ________________________________________________________________________ "I will be eternally grateful...I wish there was some way that I could repay you." ________________________________________________________________________ "Actually, you could let us crash here for awhile," ChooChoo spoke up. ________________________________________________________________________ "Excuse me?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Yeah, we were kinda getting tired of our old school, it'd be nice to have a change of scenery." Bob added. ________________________________________________________________________ "But...are you two..? What I mean is, you both seem a little off..." ________________________________________________________________________ "Oh, don't worry. We're not sane, but we're not dangerous either." ________________________________________________________________________ Dumbledore sighed. "Very well, I will have someone show you to the dormitories." ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ END OF CHAPTER. Sorry this one was so long, I couldn't find a good place to break it off. Next chapter will be shorter...I think. Haven't finished it yet. I can tell you that there will be another cameo in the future...a very interesting one at that. Please continue to review, I love reviews, they really help me, I don't care what you say. I'd like to know whether its going good, bad, or I should be beaten with sticks by those scary little flying monky thingies in the Wizard of Oz. 


	5. The Never ending Quest for the Precious

Chapter 5...sorry this one is a little slow...I've been experiencing somewhat of a writer's block lately...hopefully it'll pass...I have big plans for this story..or atleast considerably large ones. Much thanks once again to everyone who gave reviews, you are all too kind! ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ChooChoo awoke in the middle of the night with a start, trying not to wake Fred and Brad, who were sleeping on either side of her. (at this point, the author of the story would like to mention that nobody really knows what events took place leading up to this moment,and is going to ask the readers not to 'assume' that anything went on between the aforementioned characters. Really people, get your minds out of the gutter!) ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________ "Give me the prrrrrrecioussssssss," a voice hissed from out of nowhere. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________ "Who's there?" ChooChoo asked frantically, looking around. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________ Finally she spotted a dark silhouette standing in the corner. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________ "I musssst have the prrrreciousssss." ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________ Brad and Fred were now awake and staring at the stranger. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________ "Show yourself," ChooChoo said impatiently after ten full minutes of the stranger rambling about his 'prrrrreciousssss'. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________ He stepped out of the darkness to reveal a man with long blond hair and pointy elf ears. "Legolas?" ChooChoo asked incredulously. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________ He nodded. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________ "What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be fighting some Orcs in Middle Earth right about now? And wasn't that Gollum's catch phrase?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________ Legolas nodded again and spoke. "I have come for the prrrecioussss." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________ He pointed at Brad. ChooChoo looked from him to Brad, and back to him again. "No, Legolas, you can't have Brad Pitt, he's my precious." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________ Legolas blinked a couple of times, then reached into his pocket for a ciggarette. "Got a light?" he asked ChooChoo. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________ She used her wand as a lighter. Legolas proceeded to smoke the ciggarette, pacing back and forth, occasionally mumbling and cursing to himself. "Shit, I still don't have a precious. What the hell am I going to do now?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ "You could go over to Bob's room. There's a blond boy in there,and he's rather precious if you ask me," ChooChoo offered. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ Legolas looked at her thoughtfully. "How precious?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________ "Very precious." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________ "Precious enough to be my precious?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________ "Yes, definitely." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________ He smiled at her. "Thanks, Fred, I owe you one." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________ "Oh, my name isn't Fred anymore, it's ChooChoo." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________ "Well, thank you ChooChoo. Now, I must leave you. To Bob's room!" He yelled and pointed. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ He was gone in a flash, not bothering to use the door in his haste, but succeeding in making an elf-shaped hole in the wall. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ "Does he know where Bob's room is?" Fred asked ChooChoo. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ "Probably not." ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ Ron woke up suddenly to find someone with long hair standing over him. "That you Hermione?" He mumbled sleepily. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ "Are you the precious?" A male voice asked. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________ Ron sat up quickly and turned on a light. He took one look at Legolas and screamed. "Ahhhh! Elf in the Dormitory!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________ Legolas gave a shrill cry and ran away. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________ Several minutes later ChooChoo, Brad, and Fred burst into the room. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________ "What happened? We heard you scream." Fred asked his brother. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________ "I woke up, and there was an elf standing over me, asking me if I was the precious!" ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________ "You screamed at Legolas? Why'd you do that?" ChooChoo asked. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________ "Because he frightened me!" ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________ "You probably frightened him more." ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________ "Well he shouldn't go sneaking up on people like that." ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________ Bob woke up to the sound of someone bursting through the door. "Legolas? What the hell? It's three in the morning!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________ Legolas looked at his watch. "So it is...oh yeah, Fred...I mean ChooChoo, said you had my precious." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "Ummm...I'm not quite following you buddy." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "The precious, God Dammit!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "What precious? I don't understand." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ Legolas walked up to the right side of the bed, where Draco was still sleeping. He knelt down and examined his face. "Hmmm...she's right, he is extremely precious. He'll do. I'll be taking him now." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "Wait...what? Taking him where?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ Legolas sighed and pulled out another ciggarette. "Let me explain this to you. I need a precious, I wanted Brad Pitt, but apparantly he belongs to ChooChoo, so this boy will have to do." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "You can't take him,that's illegal! And he's my precious!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________ "Ummm...no, he's my precious," Harry said from the other side of her. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________ "Legolas...if you don't mind my asking, why do you need a 'precious'?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ Legolas blinked a couple of times and scratched his head. "Well...Gollum gets a precious, so why can't I?" He whined. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "Yes, well Gollum has a ring. You want a blonde male as your precious. Ooooh, I see. You're really gay and this is your way of coming out of the closet! Isn't it?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "God dammit! Shit! Frodo told me it wouldn't work. He said it would be easier to just come straight out like he did..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "Legolas, first of all your straying from the subject. Second, Frodo's gay, too?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "Oops...damn, he's gonna be so mad at me." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "Well if you need a precious, and Frodo's gay, then why not Frodo?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "He's err...already taken. Besides, he's not my type. A bit too short... and his feet aren't pretty enough. Well I must be off now, I plan to roam the school in search of my precious...but first, I need a snack...To the kitchens!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "Don't forget to tickle the pear!" Harry mumbled sleepily. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "So Bob, where do we go first?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "Dumbledore said to just follow Fred and George around, since we're in the same year, and you seem rather uhhh...'friendly' with them." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "Yes that's it, just friendly, because teenage sex is BAD!" ChooChoo said very loudly, causing people around them to stare. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ She turned to them all, "That's right, it's bad! But if you must, wrap it up, everytime!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ "Well, now that you've succeeded in sounding like a cheesy condom commercial, I think we'd better be going." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________ Dumbledore approached them immediately as they stepped into the Great Hall. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________ "There is an elf running around the school," he said flatly. "I saw him on my way to the bathroom last night, then I saw him on my way back, twice, going in the opposite direction. Finally, I saw him when I came down to breakfast...and I'm quite certain he stole my eggs and a piece of toast. Now I hate to assume anything, but I have a feeling this is somehow connected with you two." ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________ "Oh yeah...sorry about that. He's our friend, Legolas...and might I warn you, he can turn very violent when harassed," Bob explained. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________ "Could you at least teach him to use a door? I'm tired of finding elf- shaped holes in the wall everywhere I turn." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "Yeah he's just a...a little excited. That should wear off in a day or two." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ Dumbledore gave them a strange look and walked away. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "So where do we go first?" ChooChoo asked as she and Bob sat down next to Fred and George. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "Potions," Fred answered glumly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "Ohhh...fun!" ChooChoo exclaimed. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "You find getting yelled at and being verbally abused fun?" George asked in confusion. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ ChooChoo giggled and was about to answer when a scream broke out from the other end of the table. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ "No, it's the crazy elfman again! Get him away from me!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ Ron practically flew over to ChooChoo and hid behind her. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ "Umm...Ron, it's okay," she said, patting him on the head, "he doesn't bite. He might hump occasionally, but trust me, that doesn't hurt." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ Everybody stared at her except Bob, who was busy jellying a piece of toast. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ "I'm going to go back to my seat now, and try my hardest to pretend you didn't say that," Ron said, backing away from her. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ ChooChoo turned to Bob, "Did I say something wrong?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ Bob shrugged, "Sounded okay to me." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________ "You two really are crazy, aren't you?" George asked with a hint of admiration in his voice. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "Honestly, you people act like you've never been humped before," ChooChoo said in exasperation. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________ They stared at her again. "No, thats errr...never happened," Fred replied slowly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________ "Oh," ChooChoo looked crestfallen, "well don't worry, it'll happen eventually." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________ "I can't wait?" Fred offered questioningly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________ "I think we should go to class now," George said quickly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________ "Oober!" Bob and ChooChoo cried simultaneously. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________ "Where?" Fred and George yelled, ducking and covering their heads. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________ "Okay...how about I refrase that," ChooChoo said reluctantly, "we meant...NEATO!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ "Yeah...that was one of our words...nobody seems to understand it though," Bob explained sadly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ "Cheer up groupie! We need the happy for lessons, remember?" ChooChoo asked. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________ Bob giggled. "Hehehe yeah, this is going to be an interesting day. Well off we go." Exit stage left.( for lack of a better ending.) ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________END OF CHAPTER. told you it was slow...and rather short. Oh well, next 1 will be better, I hope. It also occurred to me that I haven't put any disclaimers on this story, so I'm guessing I better do that now. DISCLAIMER:All Harry Potter related characters and ideas belong to J.K. Rowling. Legolas, Frodo, Gollum, and the precious belong to J.R.R Tolkien, and Brad Pitt,Steve (don't know last name), and Joe(Don't know last name either) belong to themselves. Bob, Fred/ChooChoo,The Blue Mango, and Professor Eric Wildmen belong to me. I think thats about it so bye bye. 


	6. Accidental Cheesings and A Broken Profes...

DISCLAIMER: All Harry Potter characters and ideas belong to J.K. Rowling. Also some references to Spongebob Squarepants and South Park. Please Read and Review. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ "It takes a great deal of concentration to make a..." Snape stopped suddenly and whirled around to find Bob and ChooChoo giggling furiously at him. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ "What may I ask is so funny?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ ChooChoo giggled harder, and Bob tried to explain, "Concentrated!" she gasped in a strained voice. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ Suddenly she stopped laughing and smelled her hands. "ChooChoo," she nudged her friend, who was still busy laughing. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Huh?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ "My hands smell like cheese." ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ "Why'd you sniff your hands?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ "Dunno, they were just there...seemed like a good idea at the time." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ "I think the cheesy smell is because of the nachos." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ "Ahem," Snape interrupted, "May I remind you both, that while you are in my class, you will remain silent...and not eat nachos!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ "We weren't eating nachos!" ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "You just said you were!" ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Why were you listening into our conversation? You sneaky, sneaky man!" ChooChoo scolded. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ Snape's face turned an intersting shade of purple "That's it! Detention, for..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Bob squeeked and raised her hand, shaking it wildly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________ "I am afraid...but ask the question," Snape sighed. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ "If you mix semen, and seapeople, will that make a seaciety?" ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ He stared at her, with his mouth partially opened, "Semen, did you say?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ "Yes, because we were hoping to build an evil, non violent empire of seapeople to help us take over the world," ChooChoo explained, and then the two began to laugh evily, each raising a pinky to the corner of their mouth. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Ron chose that moment to run into the room, slam the door behind him, and push a large metal desk in front of it. He turned around to find Bob and ChooChoo laughing evily, and put a hand up to his heart, catching his breath. "What are you two nutters up to now?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Not much, we just revealed our plan." ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ "What plan, dare I ask?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ "The one that involves seapeople and world domination," ChooChoo explained nonchalantly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ "Weasley, what are you doing in here?" Snape interrupted sternly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ "The Elf! He keeps chasing me! I came in here to hide." ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Get out Weasley, now!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Fred and George perked up suddenly,"You want us to leave? Okay!" They exclaimed and ran out of the room, failing to use the door. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ "Wait no! I meant the other one! Oh never mind!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ ChooChoo laughed hysterically, "They made Fred and George shaped holes in the wall!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ Bob gasped. "ChooChoo! Since they left, that means we must go too! To...wherever Fred and George just went!" Bob jumped up and pointed to the holes. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ "No come back! All of you! Class hasn't ended!" Snape cried. "Arrgh!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Bob and ChooChoo passed Legolas in the hallway. "Hey Elfman!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Hi! I'm in a hurry, about to say my trademark line!" he cried excitedly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ He leapt halfway through the hole and leaned dramatically to one side, "There is a foul voice on the air!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ As Bob and ChooChoo ran away giggling, they heard a loud screech from Ron "Damn you elf! You've hunted me for the last time! This means war!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Now what do we do Bob?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ "We find Brad, Joe and Steve...because it worries me that they are wandering aimlessly around the castle." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Cha Cha babing bang boo." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Exuse me?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Green." ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ "Oh okay." ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ "When was the last time you saw any of them?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Last night, before we went to bed. Let's see...where would they go?" Bob said, thinking outloud. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Dunno...hey lets just go to the kitchens instead, I'm having a serious craving for ice cream." ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Fine...but then we have to look for them. God only knows what they could be up to." ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ What exactly they were up to became clear as Bob and ChooChoo entered the kitchen. At first, they didn't know what to make of the scene, then a mischevious grin came across ChooChoo's face. "Well well well, isn't this a surprise?" She asked smugly. "You two seem to be getting along quite fabulously." ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Brad and Joe gazed up at her from where they were sitting at a small table in the corner. They appeared to be sipping tea and having polite conversation. A look of panic crept onto Brad's face. "We're not getting along! How could I get along with him? He has no fashion sense whatsoever!" With that he slapped Joe on the back of the head. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ "Well I don't like you either! You're too...blond!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ "I hate to break up this little love fest, but have either of you seen Steve?" ChooChoo interrupted. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Yeah, we saw him earlier, the old guy was chasing him because he stole his stick. I don't really see what the big deal is, he can just find a new one," Brad said, turning back to his tea. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ A look of exasperation came across Bob's face. "I sincerely hope that you don't mean Steve stole Dumbledore's wand?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ "If that's what you want to call it, then yes, Steve did just that." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ "Where was he when this happened?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ "He was outside, running around that big lake," Joe pointed. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ "Guess we better go help Dumbledore." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ "Can we get some ice cream first?" ChooChoo whined. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Alright fine," Bob and ChooChoo walked over to the house elves. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Do you have any Ben and Jerry's?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The elves looked puzzled. "We is not knowing of no Ben...or Jerry miss." ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ "You don't have any Ben and Jerry's?! But they're the makers of dreams!" ChooChoo exclaimed wildly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________ "Err...the makers of dreams, miss?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ "You know, tiny little buckets of Heaven!" Bob explained. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ The house elf looked startled. "Could I get you something else, perhaps?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ Bob and ChooChoo looked thoughtful. Finally, Bob andswered, "Cheese." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ "Cheese? A cheese sandwich?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ "No, just the cheese...swiss to be precise." ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ "Yeah and some peanut butter," ChooChoo added. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ They sat down with Brad and Joe to enjoy a snack. They looked at ChooChoo. "Where did you get the nacho's from? I asked those little guys over there for some earlier, and they said they didn't have any," Brad inquired. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ChooChoo shrugged. "An experienced employee of the month always keeps a brick of lead in their hat." ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Uhhh...what does that have to do with nachos?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ "Absolutely nothing." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ "Oh, okay." ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Me and Bob always carry nachos with us, in case of an emergency." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Can I have some?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ "No, I'm running out of cheese sauce and I don't want to share." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Please? I really want some nachos!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Nope." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ "But..." ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ "Nibbit!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ "Wha..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ "Nibbit!" ChooChoo cried again, silencing him. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________ "I don't underst..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________ "I SAID NIBBIT!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ Brad pouted and proceeded to make faces at her when she wasn't looking. She got up finally, to go to the bathroom, and he saw his chance. Slowly his hand crept out from under the table, and toward the nachos. "Don't do it man, it could be a trick," Joe whispered, looking around fearfully. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ "I have to do it...I'm hungry. This might be my only chance." Once again his hand moved stealthily across the table. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Somewhere in the hallway, ChooChoo stopped abruptly. She sniffed the air. "Spider sense tingles! The Brad is attempting what others dare not. I admire his cunning bravery...but he shall not get away with it!" She turned and ran back toward the kitchen. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ She burst through the door to spot Brad with one of her precious nachos mid-mouth. His pupils dilated in fear. With a shrill battle cry, she lept at him, causing them both to tumble to the floor. They rolled into the table, which fell, along with everything on it, on top of them both. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Ahhh! I've been cheesed!" Brad cried, causing ChooChoo to jump back. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ "Where?!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ He pointed to his chest, which was covered in the remainder of ChooChoo's nacho sauce. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Oh my God! Quick, somebody get a towel! Why? Why? I never meant for it to be like this!" She sobbed, beating her fists on his chest dramatically. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ "Ow! ChooChoo, no! Stop, I'm alright!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ She stopped crying and looked at him. "He's alive!" She yelled at the top of her lungs and began to laugh madly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ "Ahem." Professor McGonagall cleared her throat loudly, making herself known. They all stared at her. "I'm not entirely sure why there is cheese everywhere, but thats not important at the moment. Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you two in his office. Immediatley," She said sternly, glaring at Bob and ChooChoo. ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Brad laughed," Ha! you got in trouble, you got in trouble!" He sang. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ChooChoo stuck her tongue out at him. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ "Follow me please," Professor McGonagall said and turned swiftly toward the door. 


	7. The Pants Command Us!

DISCLAIMER: Certain phrases in this story belong to the creators of the cartoon Invader Zim, All Harry Potter stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling, Brad Pitt, Steve,Joe, Bob, and ChooChoo belong to themselves. Blue belongs to the creator(s?) of Blue's Clues. Review please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ They walked into Dumbledore's office. He began without preamble. "You broke Snape. You made him cry," at this Bob started to giggle. He turned on her. "You think this is funny?" ___________________________________________________________________________ She choked back the laughs and tried to respond, "No...well...yes," she finally cried, and laughed wildly. ___________________________________________________________________________ She dropped to the floor and began rocking back and forth, occasionally wiping the tears from her face. ChooChoo slowly kicked Bob behind her and out of view. "Don't mind her, the gremlins are tickling from the inside again." ___________________________________________________________________________ "The er...gremlins?" ___________________________________________________________________________ "You know, the tiny little fellows that hide inside your tummy? Sometimes they come out to poke you in the eye," ChooChoo added. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Oh yes! Nasty little things they are! But back to the subject. I don't think you two realize the severity of this situation. I have called Professor Snape to my office, he will be here any minute. I want you both to apologize to him." ___________________________________________________________________________ As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Come in," Dumbledore commanded. ___________________________________________________________________________ Snape entered, his eyes bloodshot, and carrying a box of tissues. "You didn't say they would be here!" he cried angrily and jumped behind Dumbledore. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Calm down Severus, they are here to apologize. It's all right, they won't hurt you, just stand right over here where they can see you." ___________________________________________________________________________  
  
Snape cautiously moved forward a bit. ___________________________________________________________________________ "We're ummm...sorry and stuff...because we really didn't mean to make you cry," ChooChoo started. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Yes," Bob said, crawling into a kneeling position and eventually standing up. ___________________________________________________________________________ "The pants made us do it!" ChooChoo yelled suddenly, not able to resist any longer. ___________________________________________________________________________ "What?" Dumbledore and Snape said at the same time. ___________________________________________________________________________ "It was the pants," she explained, "the pants command us!" ___________________________________________________________________________ "As much as I hate to add to this insanity, might I point out that neither of you are even wearing pants? You're both wearing skirts," Dumbledore replied calmly. ___________________________________________________________________________ "No, not our pants, his pants," Bob pointed to Snape. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Yeah, they're really amazing pants, they can speak in five different languages," ChooChoo added. ___________________________________________________________________________ "My pants talked to you?" Snape asked, momentarily intrigued. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Yes, they said kill...but that didn't sound very nice, and we told them so." ___________________________________________________________________________ "And then they were like 'oh, well just eat some nachos instead, then.' So we did." ___________________________________________________________________________ "Yes, I'm afraid to say it, but I think your pants might be evil," ChooChoo finished. ___________________________________________________________________________ A look of fear came into Snape's eyes, "My...my pants are e...evil?" He stuttered. ___________________________________________________________________________ "You two will end this now! He is unstable enough! Quit telling him that he has evil pants!" Dumbledore commanded. ___________________________________________________________________________ "I have evil pants!!" Snape suddenly screamed. "Get them off me! I don't wanna die!" he ripped the pants off and ran out of the room. ___________________________________________________________________________ "That's funny," ChooChoo commented. ___________________________________________________________________________ "What?" Bob asked. ___________________________________________________________________________ "I never pictured him as a tighty whities kind of guy." they both started to giggle. ___________________________________________________________________________ Professor McGonagall entered the room, looking extremely confused. "What's going on? Snape just ran down the hall pantless and crazed." ___________________________________________________________________________ Dumbledore turned to her,a resigned look on his face, "Hold me." ___________________________________________________________________________ She awkwardly patted him on the back as he began to sob freely. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ Fred and George came running up to Bob and ChooChoo as soon as they had left Dumbledore's office. ___________________________________________________________________________ "We would just like to say..." Fred started. ___________________________________________________________________________ "That we are extremely proud of you," George finished. ___________________________________________________________________________ "You two have managed to cause destruction and chaos around every corner of this school in two days. We have been trying for seven years. We will worship you both until our dieing days...okay maybe not, but we really admire your work." ___________________________________________________________________________ They walked to the great hall where a massive food fight was going on. Ron stood atop the Gryffindor table, holding a yellow plastic baseball bat as if it were a sword. He had a shield in the other hand, and streaks of tribal face paints in bright shades of red and blue adorned his nose, cheeks, and forehead. An overly large football helmet topped his head. ___________________________________________________________________________ "The war between elves and wizards rests solely in my hands. I shall conquer all!" He cried madly. ___________________________________________________________________________ Suddenly a foam Nerf arrow came soaring through the air to land straight between his eyes, mainly because had it been a real arrow, Ron would be dead, and certain people reading this might kill us. Ron stumbled on dramatically for a few paces before landing face first into a bowl of mashed potatoes. He didn't get up. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Ron! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Harry cried in the classic slow motion deep voice, throwing himself on top of his best friend, pushing his head further into the bowl. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Somebody should pull Harry off, before Ron drowns," ChooChoo commented. ___________________________________________________________________________ Fred finally pryed Harry away, and George turned Ron around, who gasped for breath. His face was covered in mashed potatos, his tribal streaks were smeared, and the Nerf arrow still stuck to his head. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Oh, the horror!" Harry screamed, covering his face with his hands. ___________________________________________________________________________ Ron wiped his face and ripped the arrow from his head. He held it up to his nose and sniffed, "This tool of Lucifer...it reeks of Elf! I shall have my revenge!" With a shrill Indian battle cry he bounded off for the other side of the room. ___________________________________________________________________________ Up at the staff table, the teachers were in a panic. Snape was twitching madly, wearing a pair of floral shorts he had stolen from Madam Pomfrey, and Dumbledore jumped at any sudden noise. McGonagall approached them. "Why don't you two go down to the lake and relax, you aren't helping this situation anyway. It will be very soothing, and you two need to calm down." ___________________________________________________________________________ Dumbledore and Snape left as McGonagall proceeded to restrain all the flying food. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ Bob and ChooChoo decided to leave the foodfight, and roam the school while the teachers were busy containing the mess. They eventually ended up on one of the towers. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Hey, ChooChoo, what's that?" Bob pointed to something on the ground below. ___________________________________________________________________________ It was pink and about ten feet in diameter. ___________________________________________________________________________ "I think its a..a...a whoopee cushion...a really big one!" ___________________________________________________________________________ Bob giggled, "Lets jump on it!" ___________________________________________________________________________ ChooChoo looked worried, "But it's waaay down there." ___________________________________________________________________________ Bob shrugged, "It's big enough." ___________________________________________________________________________ "Okay!" ___________________________________________________________________________ They walked to the edge of the tower and jumped. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...." ___________________________________________________________________________ They both gasped for breath as they continued to fall, "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." ___________________________________________________________________________ Bob started to worry, because ChooChoo slowly began to deviate from the target. Bob hit the cushion, which made an extremely loud farting noise. Fortunately for ChooChoo, she was placed perfectly in front of the opening, so that the immense force of air blasted her back up again, and off toward the lake. ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ Dumbledore and Snape were sitting in lounge chairs by the lake, sipping on apple juice with little pink umbrellas in them. ___________________________________________________________________________ Dumbledore sighed. "I believe Minerva was right, a bit of relaxation was just what we needed." ___________________________________________________________________________ "Yes, and these shorts match very well with these little umbrellas...do you hear something?" ___________________________________________________________________________ A faint buzzing sound was coming from somewhere in the distance. It turned into a human voice "oooooooooooooooooooooooooo..." ___________________________________________________________________________ The two professors shielded their eyes from the sun to get a better look. The voice belonged to none other than ChooChoo, who appeared to be flying, arms out in front of her. They would have moved had they thought there was anytime to spare, but ChooChoo got closer and closer, and soon her foot grazed the top of Dumbledore's head before she made a splashing dive into the water in front of them, soaking everyone in the vicinity. ___________________________________________________________________________ Her head quickly emerged from the water, and she gasped for breath, "That was a hoot! Let's try it again!" ___________________________________________________________________________ Dumbledore and Snape simply got up and walked away. ChooChoo got up and ran to the place where she had last seen Bob. The whoopee cushion was now completely deflated, but Bob was nowhere in sight. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Bob? Bob, where are you?" ___________________________________________________________________________ Suddenly, a hand shot up through one of the folds. " Over here!" came a muffled voice from underneath. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Oh no! Bob's drowning in the whoopee cushion! Don't worry, I'll save you!" ChooChoo cried as she leapt toward the hand. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Ow, get off me!" ___________________________________________________________________________ "Oops, sorry." ___________________________________________________________________________ Steve came running up to them. "No! you found it!" ___________________________________________________________________________ "Ummm...Steve, this is yours?" ___________________________________________________________________________ He nodded. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Explain later, help me get Bob out." ___________________________________________________________________________ They dug through the layers of rubber and finally managed to free her. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Now, how did you come across this monstrosity?" ___________________________________________________________________________ "Well...you know those stick thingies that everyone always carries around?" ___________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Yeah...by the way, we know you stole Dumbledore's." ___________________________________________________________________________ "Ummm... yes, well...I discovered that they're more than just sticks. They do rather odd things actually. So I found this little whoopee cushion, and poked it with the stick, and it got all big. I tried to hide it in those bushes, but it was too big. So then I tried to paint it green, but I ran out of paint, so then I just ran away." ___________________________________________________________________________ "Sweet," Choochoo commended him. ___________________________________________________________________________ As they walked back to the castle, they began a conversation. ___________________________________________________________________________ "I've been having alot of fun the past two days, wreaking havoc on perfect strangers and all, but I miss my show. I wonder what Blue is doing right now?" Steve said almost wistfully as they walked through the door. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Hey Elfman! Still tormenting Ron?" Bob questioned. ___________________________________________________________________________ "I am not tormenting him! He started the war!" Legolas practically shouted. ___________________________________________________________________________ They were interrupted by a flash of blue. They looked after it, not finding anything, but when they turned back to Legolas, he had a bright blue pawprint on his forehead. ___________________________________________________________________________ "Oh oh oh!" Bob and ChooChoo exclaimed excitedly, "Is it time to play Blue's Clues?" They stopped ubrubtly, looking disturbed, "There's an animated blue dog running loose in the school!" ___________________________________________________________________________ They ran away screaming. Meanwhile, Steve pulled out his Handy-Dandy Notebook and began to draw a portrait of Legolas.____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ______END OF CHAPTER!!! 


	8. Attack of the Cartoons

J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and his magical friends, Bob and ChooChoo own themselves, and Professor Wildmen, Steve, Joe, and Brad own themselves, and the countless cartoons in here don't belong to us either, but we won't name them all because its a huge list. thanks. peace out nizzles... hehehe...well i found it amusing...nevermind. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ Legolas peered over Steve's shoulder. "I don't look like that!" He cried indignantly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He was referring to the crudely drawn picture of what resembled a rabid wombat with floppy puppy dog ears. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I'm not supposed to be an artist!" Steve shot back. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "And that's good for you, because you'd be starving in a gutter somewhere if you were. Now help me get this dang-blasted pawprint off my head." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve looked around and scratched his head..."Hold on, I'll be right back." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He returned five minutes later dragging a fire hose. Legolas's nostrils flared in fear "Don't point that thing at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." This last bit was screamed as the water pressure sent him flying into the far wall. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He stood up angrily and shook his entire body, opting to dry off doggy style instead of the traditional 'towl' method. At that moment, a cartoon-animated towl strolled onto the scene. It was blue, with bloodshot eyes. "Man, I'm so high right now, I don't know whats going on!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ As ChooChoo ran past them, still screaming (Bob had run into a wall earlier and was now unconcious) she looked at the towl. "Towley!? More cartoons! Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ This confused and frightened Towley, who ran away. They would later find out that in his panic, he had bitten two Hufflepuffs, kicked a Ravenclaw Prefect, and tried to hump Draco before finally careening off one of the towers to saturate himself in the lake below. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Meanwhile Legolas had successfully dried himself and was now eyeing Steve menacingly. He slowly reached for his Nerf arrow launcher and some foam darts. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve began to back away, "Hey, I was just trying to help...not my fault you have sensitive skin." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I'm going to do to you what I did to Mr. Freckles." He began to load his neato spiffy Nerf gun. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve stopped, "Mr. who?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas stopped as well, stomping his foot on the ground impatiently, "Mr. Freckles! You know, the crazy redhead who has waged war upon my people?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "You mean that Ron kid?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas nodded. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Riiiiight...well thats lovely, but I really must be going." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve turned around to run, but fell to the ground instead, a dart stuck to his back. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas patted himself on the back, "Yeah! I got da funk, I got da funk!" He sang as he moonwalked back into the great hall. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Unfortunately for Legolas, Ron was waiting for him on the inside. As the elf entered and turned around, he found himself smothered in several gallons of melted cheese. Ron laughed madly "Score one for me! We're tied now!" He ran away. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas was furious. "It's clear that I will need more help with this," he picked up the Horn of Gondor and blew on it. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ A minute later, two dozen house elfs and Boromir showed up. The house elves looked up at him expectantly, and Boromir snatched the horn from his grasp. "Legolas, you need to stop stealing my horn!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He stomped off angrily. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "You're just mad because your character got killed off in the first movie," Legolas muttered under his breath. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Borormir turned around and stomped back, "Just so you know, these are fake," he pulled one of the arrows off his chest and whacked Legolas over the head with it, "So I could make a comeback!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas shook his head in pity. "You didn't read Tolkien's version, did you?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "No, why?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Sorry buddy, you're dead, and you will remain dead, forever." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Boromir looked heartbroken, "But...Gandalf..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Gandalf still had some importance in the story. You, my friend are expendable, because you serve no more purpose." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Boromir stared at him in disbelief, "You're so hurtful!" he ran away with tears streaming down his face. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________ By this time, Bob and ChooChoo had calmed down, or atleast worn themselves out so they couldn't move. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Bob?" ChooChoo panted, sliding down the wall to sit on the ground. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yea?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "As long as we're dieing, there's something I've been meaning to tell you..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "But ChooChoo, we're not..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Don't interrupt me, I have to get this off my chest, I don't want to die with a guilty conscience." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Okay, but..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "It was me who put that blast-ended screwt in your locker that one time," ChooChoo said quickly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "WHAT?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Hey...don't be mad! I mean, your eyebrows grew back...and there wasn't any real scarring..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "CHOOCHOO!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "What?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "First of all, why did you do it? Second of all, we're not dieing!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I errrr...uhhh...do you hear that?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Don't try to change the subject." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "No, seriously. Cheesy badger!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Choochoo," Bob said menacingly. "Wait...I do hear something." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yup, see I told you. Kinda sounds like Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, you know, from Ren and Stimpy." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ The music was getting louder as it came down the hall. Suddenly the door burst open and Ren and Stimpy came in dancing. Bob and ChooChoo began to scream again at the madness of yet more cartoons roaming the school but stopped suddenly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Bob, it's Ren and Stimpy! Like, the greatest cartoon characters of all time, standing right in front of us. Why the hell are we scared?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "You're right, this is fucking awesome!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They both got up and began to dance to the tune of 'Happy Happy Joy Joy'. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Meanwhile, excited shouts could be heard from the other side of the castle where Steve had discovered another clue, or to be more specific, another person with a pawprint stuck to their head. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "How much longer is this gonna take? I still have to construct an army!" Ron said impatiently as Steve tried to draw him. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Just a little more red there and...finished! You may go now, Mr. Freckles," Steve said proudly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "What did you just call me?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Umm...nothing." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Fine...are you gonna let me see my portrait?" Ron asked, advancing on him. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve pressed the notebook protectively to his chest, "No, I don't want to." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Why not? All I want is a quick peek..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I'll scream rape! Just back away slowly! Slowly!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Alright, alright, I'm just going to back away now, okay? Nice and easy..." Ron walked out the front doors of the castle. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Now, where am I going to find an army?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ At that moment a group of first years passed by, babbling in their first year language. An idea struck Ron then. Unfortunately, it struck him too hard, and he fell over. But once he got back up, he called out to the group. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Oy, you there!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ The first years turned as a unit to look at him. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "How would you like to gain meaning to your lives, and bring honor to your families?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ What followed was a chorus of blank stares. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He sighed impatiently, "You get to have Nerf guns..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They immediately began yelping like indians, and threw on feathered headbands, along with tribal face paint that matched Ron's. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Onward then! The final battle must take place tonight!" _______________________________________________________________________ Dumbledore and Snape timidly returned to their lawn chairs by the lake, thinking...or hoping atleast that the madness was over. They had no clue how wrong they actually were. At that moment, an exact replica of the Titanic emerged from the depths of the lake, with Viktor Krum attached to the front, screaming "I'm the King of the vooooooooooorld!" at the top of his lungs. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They scrambled for shelter inside the castle. Everybody stopped to stare at them. "Somebody ne...needs to ssstop that raving lunatic!" Dumbledore pointed outside, where Krum was still screaming. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Bob and ChooChoo leapt out from the crowd. "This looks like a job for..." they began to swirl around, making two miniature tornados. When they finally stopped, they were dressed differently, "Quailman and Silver Skeeter!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ The crowd looked politely confused. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Bob looked at them impatiently. "What, you were expecting Bob and Fred's detective agency(c)? We only do mysteries." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Ohhhh," the crowd said in unison. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Bob turned to ChooChoo, "How come you get to be Quailman?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "It's not all fun and games you know. I mean, I have to wear underwear over this hideous pair of khaki shorts,my name is Quailman, and..oh yeah, I HAVE A BELT STRAPPED TO MY HEAD! But, you're welcome to switch places with me if you'd like." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "No, that's quite alright. Off to the crimefighting then?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yes, I suppose so." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They ran down to the lake, while everyone else watched from a safe distance. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Bob, lets fly up to him," ChooChoo said. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They both jumped upward with arms outstretched, only to land in the lake with a big splash. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "ChooChoo," ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yes?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "We can't fly." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Well yes, that seems apparant. On to a new strategy then." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ ChooChoo cupped her hands to her mouth and began to scream. "KRUM!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He stopped yelling and looked down. "VUT?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He scratched his head. "VHY AM I HOOTING? I'M NOT HOOTING YOU SILLY AMERICANS!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________  
  
"OH...I'M THE KING OF THE VOOOOORLD!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________  
  
"IT DOESN'T HAVE TO, I'M THE KING OF THE VOOOOORLD!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ ChooChoo turned to Bob, "Well, I tried. You think of something." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Ron came running up to them, dragging Hermione along with him. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I think I have an idea! Maybe if we give him a human sacrifice, he'll go away! Now all we have to do is find a way to get Hermione up there..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "RON!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He looked at Hermione, who looked sincerely pissed. "What?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I am not going to be a human sacrifice!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "But..but it was a good plan!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yeah, if Krum was a blood thirsty ancient God...but he's not, so LET ME DOWN!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Ron, who had previously been holding her above his head, ready to throw, set her back on the ground. "Alright little miss know it all, what do you suggest we do?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Hermione looked thoughtful, "We could try asking him nicely to stop yelling?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Ron snorted, "Yeah right, like that'll ever work!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ She turned defiantly toward the Titanic and a still screaming Krum "VIKTOR!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Krum stopped once again, but this time with more enthusiasm "IS THAT YOU HERM-OWN-NINNY?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "YES. LOOK, YOU'RE GIVING US ALL A HEADACHE, COULD YOU QUIET DOWN A BIT?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "SURE. VHY DON'T YOU COME UP HERE AND HAVE A CUP OF TEA VITH ME?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "ALRIGHT...BUT HOW DO I GET UP?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "YOU MEAN NOBODY'S FIGURED IT OUT YET? THERES A DOOR RIGHT OVER THERE," he pointed to a small opening on one side of the ship. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Hermione started to walk toward it when Ron stopped her. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Don't, he just wants to shag you!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ She glared at him, "Well I'd rather be up there with a guy who wants to shag me then down here with a guy who wants to sacrifice me." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Ron was saved from coming up with a response by more yelling and commotion from up at the castle. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They ran through the front doors. "What, what is it?" Choochoo asked quickly, looking around. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I found the last clue!" Joe cried excitedly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________END OF CHAPTER!!! just to let you all know, bob and I expect next chapter to be the last...*sniffle sniffle* woah, im getting way to emotional. j/k well, hope you all enjoy this. 


	9. The Final Battle and Draco Wears Some Le...

DISCLAIMER: Bob and Fred own only the concept of this story, themselves, Eric Wildmen, and The Blue Mango. No house elves were harmed during the making of this chapter. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ __________"It's this big pink thing," Joe said, holding up Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Hey put me down!" Patrick said. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Joe screeched and threw him across the room, "Ahhhh! It's alive!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Steve pulled out his Handy-Dandy Notebook and sprinted over to Patrick, who was plastered against the wall. He knelt down to examine him close up. "Ew, he sure is ugly!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "I resent that! I'll have you know..." Patrick trailed off and started to drool. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Steve, Steve, we have all three clues, you know what that means, right?" Joe exclaimed. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Steve grinned, "Yep, it's time for our..." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Thinking chair!" Brad shouted, and began to struggle with Dumbledore for his wand, finally wrenching it out of his grasp. "Accio Thinking Chair!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ A big chair came floating over to him from somewhere unknown. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Brad, how did you learn to do that?" ChooChoo questioned suspiciously. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ He shrugged, "Well, I figured since I'd have all this free time here, I might as well learn something. So, I sat in on a few classes. She didn't seem to mind," he concluded, pointing to Professor McGonagall, who turned a deep shade of red and immediately shifted her gaze to the floor. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ He flopped into the humongous chair, along with Joe and Steve. All three of them had heads propped in hands, in the classic thinking position. Steve spoke first as everyone watched silently. "Now, what could Blue be doing that involves Legolas, Ron, and Patrick?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ The three poorly drawn images of the clues popped out of the notebook and began to dance around above their heads. "Ron and Legolas are currently waging war on each other, but where's the connection with Patrick?" Joe asked, looking confused. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ They all turned to Patrick. "Whats so special about you?" Steve questioned. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "I'm Spongebob's sidekick!" Patrick cried proudly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "That's it!" Brad yelled suddenly, startling everyone. "She's someone's sidekick! But who's? It has to be either Ron or Legolas..." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ At that moment none other than Blue herself leapt onto the scene, coming to a screeching halt in front of Ron. He petted her knowingly. "So you've finally figured it out? How clever. Yes, she's been helping me prepare for the battle. Together, we have raised an army so formidable that to gaze upon it with your very eyes will bring fiery destruction and turmoil. Behold, our MINIONS!" With a sweep of his hand, the crowd parted, and a group of menacing first years filed through, carrying nerf crossbows and looking severely brainwashed. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Ron laughed madly, "All of Elf descent shall fear and bow before me!" his voice suddenly turned deep. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Black smoke began to swirl around, encasing everyone is darkness. A lightening bolt flashed, and there was a yelp of pain. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Watch it!" Harry cried, looking somewhere backstage. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Sorry!" cried a random special effects guy, frantically pushing buttons. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Legolas appeared suddenly, out of nowhere, bathed in an erie glowing light. "Your army is impressive, young wizard. But don't think I haven't come unprepared," He clapped his hands, and the entire house elf population of Hogwarts came to his bidding. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Ron stood quietly for a moment, assessing the situation. Finally he raised his wand, "CHARGE!" he screamed, as he, Blue, and the first years raced forward. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ What ensued was the messiest, and most bizarre battle ever witnessed by the likes of Hogwarts students and staff as rubber and foam arrows soared in every direction, random acts of cheesing occurred without warning, and innocent bystandards fell victim to bites from both first years and house elfs. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Bob and ChooChoo tried to stop the madness, but there feeble cries went unheard above the roar of a full fledged war. Finally fed up, ChooChoo pointed her wand at her throat, and whispered, "Sonorous," with that her voice bellowed above the crowd, commanding silence, "FREEZE!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Time seemed to freeze in a literal sense,as people stopped to stare at her. Even the arrows flying through the air halted, as if being held up by invisible strings. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "You all should be ashamed of yourselves, fighting like this! Honestly, do you even remember what you're fighting for? We gain neither knowledge from war, nor enlightenment, only the guilty satisfaction that we have harmed another life. Do you all want to look back on your lives one day and be ashamed, or proud? It shouldn't matter whether we are Elf, Wizard, or even muggle for that matter. Can't we all just get along, and love one another?" she finished, looking proud. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ There wasn't a dry eye in the castle. Unfortunately, that was due to the fact that she hadn't taken the spell off yet, and the tears were ones of pain from earaches. Frustrated, she pointed the wand at her throat again, "Finite Incantatum." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Well, what do you all have to say for yourselves?" She asked in a normal voice. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Ron and Legolas looked at each other. "I'm sorry!" They both cried at the same time and embraced one another. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Everyone followed suit, house elves hugging first years, teachers hugging students, and Brad and Joe hugging each other. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ After stepping back from a tight bear-hug with Dumbledore, Steve spoke. "Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do," at this he began singing, "Now it's time for so long..." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Bob, ChooChoo, Joe, and Brad joined in, "But we'll sing just one more song..." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Now the enitire school had joined in, because they all somehow magically knew the words, "Thanks for doin your part, you sure are smart! You know with me and you, and my dog Blue, we can do, anything...that we wanna do!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ The song ended with everyone holding hands and swaying back and forth. They suddenly let go and Ron looked around, "Hey, where's Hermione?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ As the crowd quieted down, a faint yelling could be heard from outside. They all ran out to the Titanic, where Hermione had joined Krum at the front of the ship. Ron cupped his hands to his mouth, "HERMIONE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ She looked at him a moment, "I'M FLYING JACK, I'M FLYING!" she spread her arms out wide on either side of her and leaned against the railing. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "AND I'M THE KING OF THE VOOOOOORLD!" Krum added, putting his hands on her waist. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "HEY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WOMAN!" Ron cried angrily. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Krum stuck his tongue out in a very childish manner. Legolas put his hand on Ron's arm, catching his attention "Shall we attack him together, Mr. Freckles?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Sure thing, Mr. Elfman!" Ron grinned and they ran toward the ship. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Bob and ChooChoo heard screams of terror from Krum as they turned and walked away. Steve approached them. "You know, I've had fun here, but I think I'd like to go back home now." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Joe came up behind them, followed by Brad, "Yeah, we worked out a deal...all three of us will be on Blue's Clues now!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "And I'm getting a divorce!" Brad added, looking extremely happy. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Errr...why is that a good thing?" ChooChoo asked confusedly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Because, I'm going to live with Joe now!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "Oh, right...I'm very happy for you. We'll talk to Dumbledore about getting you three out of here." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "You mean you're not coming with us?" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Bob and ChooChoo looked around at the castle, and all the new friends they had made. "No, we like it here. Besides, I've found my soulmates," ChooChoo added, gesturing to Fred and George. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Bob laughed, "Yeah, and uhh...I'm quite content to shag Harry and Draco. Don't worry, we'll come visit over Christmas" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ ChooChoo began to sniffle, "This means I'll be giving up my pr...prr...precious!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ She and Brad hugged and began to cry. Everyone else rolled their eyes. "Come on Brad, we have to go," Steve whined. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "I don't wanna!" ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Joe sighed and pulled out the spray bottle, holding it inches away from them, "Alright, we're going to do this slowly. Let go on three...one...two...three." ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ They stepped away from each other quickly. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Brad turned to Joe and Steve. "Well, lets be off then, shall we?" They nodded and walked off into the sunset to cheesy cowboy/adventure music. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Five minutes later they returned, because they had no idea which direction to go in. Bob and ChooChoo programmed the Blue Mango on a course heading for home, and the three were off again, this time for good. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ __________ AFTERWORD: Brad divorced Jennifer Aniston and now resides in a cozy little apartment with Joe when they are not busy filming Blue's Clues with Steve. After getting shot down by the newly available Jennier Aniston, Steve turned to Malfoy's mom for comfort, and they keep a low profile relationship. Bob and ChooChoo remain at Hogwarts where they are striving to further their magical education and continue to wreak havoc whenever possible, with the help of Fred and George of course. They have also started a new trend among young people, in three-way relationships.ChooChoo, Fred and George, and Bob, Harry, and Draco are now the two hottest three-way couples at Hogwarts. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Hermione returned to Ron after being rescued from the Titanic by him and the newest partner in their relationship, Legolas. Viktor Krum remains atop the highest astronomy tower where he is forced to watch Wormtail dressed in drag singing Karaoke to various Britney Spears songs every hour, on the hour. All the cartoons returned to their respective t.v. networks, except for Towley, who was too moist and disoriented to find his way home. He now leads a bitter life at the bottom of the lake where he plays servant to the merpeople. The Titanic sank back into the murky depths from which it came after being attacked by dozens of radio-active badgers with razor sharp teeth, or possibly a bunch of pissed off Hufflepuffs who once again got left out of the story. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ The Blue Mango leads a happy carefree life escorting Brad Pitt around town as he sings his song to it. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ __________ AUTHOR'S NOTES: Some of you have expressed concerns that Draco wasn't in this story nearly enough, and Bob and I feel exactly the same way, which is why we're giving you this, so enjoy.(Dun dun da da! Top secret scene that didn't make it into the actual story. Ya, and it's not so top secret anymore either.)***As the population of Hogwarts sat down to lunch, they were interrupted by Draco, who jumped on top of the Slytherin table and began to dance. Music from somewhere in the backround begins to play, and he sings along. "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!" At this he ripped off his shirt to numerous high pitched screams from the female part of the audience. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ Pansy and Blaise fainted, and the others gazed on in longing and wonder. Draco continued on valiantly, "I'm, too sexy for my leather pants, too sexy for my leather pants, I...uhhh...I don't know the words. Oh hell," He tried to rip off his pants only to fail miserably. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____ "NOOOOOOO! THE LEATHER, IT'S TOO TIGHT!"_____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ _________________ ***END!*** There you have it my friends, the conclusion to Harry Potter, Blue's Clues style. Did you all like the ending, or did you hate it? Feel free to tell us, the little review button is right down there *points to little review button* Anyways, Bob and I are extremely sad that this adventure is over, and we were hoping to go for a sequel. What does everyone think, yes, no? Have any ideas? once again with the review button. Thank you all for reading this fanfiction, and we hope it was as fun for you to read it as it was for us to write it. Thanks and much love! 


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